Do you ever find yourself asking Why? Why am I here? Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this? I always ask this question, and I struggle to answer it, and honestly, it comes up more than it probably should.
I read all the time about how hard times make you stronger. I look at the post and see videos of inspiring moments, and while they feel good and reenergize at the moment, they go away quickly. We can read and view videos all day long, but we must practice the message and learn from it to reach those moments of clarity. I am constantly told I should be grateful for everything I have achieved and done. These are good stimulating words, but I need to learn to tame my own demons that constantly keep me questioning and testing my resilience.
Ever since I was a child, I would ask myself the Why questions as my feelings would spiral out of control. I did not want or ask for tests that made me stronger. I did not wish for the despair of feeling lonely and alone. I certainly did not want to be plagued with challenge after challenge at a young age, forced to be independent. As I got older, the challenges became more intense, and then I had a family that depended on me, which increased the struggle and added to my questioning.
Fast forward, I answer my own questions as a reminder to myself and offer a reflection for others:
Why am I here?- I'm here to be a light for others, to lead and set an example that struggles really make me stronger and force me out of my comfort zone. Most people see me and say, "you're so lucky; you must have everything you want." but they are unaware of the mental challenges plaguing me. I constantly remind myself I need to be grateful. Grateful for being strong and possessing the tools and capability to turn a tough situation into a learning experience and that problems don't defeat me. The best example of why I am here came to me the other night when I was having a meltdown, and my teenage daughter walked smack in the middle of my rage. I was fuming mad and screaming "F" bombs while arguing with someone over text. I was in a zone and could not control my emotions. My daughter stepped in and immediately grabbed the phone from my hand and told me to stop. She did not ask questions. She just reacted. She could tell I was going to let someone have it. She reminded me whatever was bothering me would pass, and I would regret the words I was launching. She also reminded me I should not stoop to such a level of anger. As I wrestled with her to get the phone back. I broke down and started crying. She gently acknowledged I was doing what I needed by crying. I needed to get the pain out. It took a few moments, but I felt better and was grateful she had stopped me. Most of all, I was thankful for her presence and awareness. She demonstrated she has been listening and learning to my preaching. Best of all, she did it with compassion and without judgment. So the answer to my "Why am I here?" is to teach.
Why is this happening to me?- In reality, everyone has things happen to them. We just don't see it. We go on social media and see the "happy snaps" of the moment outside the chaos; a smile is beckoned. We have no idea what took place a few minutes before the picture. No one posts about what really happens in their homes, family life, or work. When you ask people, "how are you ?" They say, "great, good." People don't walk around telling you their day sucks. At least not most. So, in reality, everyone struggles. People around us have challenges, some greater than others, but that is why we must all be aware and mindful of the individuals we encounter. It starts in our own circle of friends and family. When things don't go as expected, we must remember that the incidents we struggle with won't last. They get resolved for the most part, and we move on to the next thing. For me holding on to the challenging moments too long is an issue. I'm trying to be more mindful to acknowledge the challenge and let it pass. Changing my inner voice has been a game-changer, instead of it being a bad day or a struggle. I've started calling it my "challenge," and we all need to be challenged.
Why do I have to go through this?- How else will we learn to appreciate the good moments and remember to be grateful. If every day were perfect, we would never know what bliss felt like. We would not be forced to go beyond our capabilities. We would become content and never strive for a better place to dwell. These questions I've been asking myself have helped me, and I need to be more mindful and grateful. I remind myself that I have to go through challenges to learn new skills and to push myself to think outside the realm of average. Whenever I come out of an unwanted situation, I end up with a mental awakening on improving things, or I get a new idea that will help me avoid that situation from happening again. This is the pattern and path I've been following for a long time, but on occasion, I forget all the fantastic things they have brought me. When going through the "Whys" of my life, I need to keep reminding myself they are essential for growth.
I am not one for New Year's Resolutions, as I feel they are made to be broken. After all, how many people really stick to New Year's Resolutions. A friend told me about a much more doable and inspiring activity she and her family do yearly. They create a vision board. With a poster board in hand, they sit around with magazines and create scenes of what they want to manifest that year. I thought to myself, what a great idea. Once they are done, they put the board in a place they will see often. This year I will also do this to remind myself of what I want to achieve personally and professionally and manifest my goals for my family and me.
I want to end this post with gratitude. I am grateful for my friends that surround me and make me laugh so hard my stomach aches. I am thankful for my health and ability to work out daily, which lifts my spirits. I am grateful for my children, that are now teaching me and reminding me to live my truth. I am also thankful for the challenges that push me to be a better person and grow. I am grateful for having a platform to voice my thoughts and offer others insight and moments of reflection. I am thankful to those who read my post. But most of all, I am grateful for the energy that runs through my veins, the wind that caresses my skin, and the sun that warms my soul, reminding me I am alive, which is the greatest gift of all.
Comentários