In my twenties, fantasies of being swept off my feet swirled in my head. I wanted badly to meet someone and instantly fall head over heels, just like in the movies. This scenario continuously played out in my mind, leaving me disappointed every time.
I used to think something was wrong with me. Why else was I not privy to the love-at-first-sight attraction. Oh, and thank goodness there was no social media at that time because seeing posts like I see today would have just pushed me over the top.
I failed to understand that I always gave off a "leave me alone" vibe without even knowing it. The way I saw myself really reflected on the outside. The energy I was putting out did not allow any of my desires to manifest. In reality, the so-called love, at first sight was subject to many other conditions stemming from within me. The little girl who felt ugly, not worthy, and wanted to hide most of the time was always with me. She walked with me and lived within me for over 95% of my life.
As I move on in my journey to find my best life, I've started to see within myself what was missing to make a connection with people in a romantic capacity and in the realm of friendships.
Looking inside myself has allowed me to appreciate the person that I am. Which allowed me to feel the energy that vibrated through my body. That energy is the catalyst for the law of attraction. Loving myself has opened up space for others to love me as well. Getting to know myself has been fascinating and enlightening. I owe part of this to my memoir "Just keep Moving." Writing the memoir allowed me to view all the pieces of my life. Just like a puzzle, I could put them back together and see the big picture. I could analyze every phase of my life and understand why I felt the way I did about myself.
Sounds strange to say you need to get to know yourself, but how many of us really know who we are. We are taught to conform to society and fit in. We are told as women, men are the leaders, and we are to follow. Don't get me wrong, I love a strong man, and I'm happy to be their partner and let them take the lead. That's not what this is about. But it is about the message that is put out, and we receive. And it works the same for men. They are told they must be the leaders, and all responsibilities fall on them, but that is a topic for another blog. My point is we get lost in what we are supposed to be and the titles we are given. As individuals, we forget that it is really simple, we are just energy, and we get back what we put out.
When I started existing, really existing and feeling alive, appreciating everything around me, my body tingled with excitement as if I had just been brought into this world. That is when a lot of my insecurities started to shed. I wasn't so worried about meeting new people and what they would think about me. I didn't freeze when someone spoke to me for fear of saying the wrong thing. I was so happy to talk to people that everything just flowed. It was such an aha moment.
After doing the work of becoming present and becoming aware of who I am. I have realized that relationships are based on energy. Love at first sight comes into play when two people with self-awareness who possess intense positive energy meet. Their self-awareness allows them space to solely focus on the energy that flows between them.
On occasion, the connection is so strong that it can often turn into infatuation. Is this a bad thing or a good thing? That depends on each person. As long as people stay present and see things for what they really are, it can turn into a good thing. The game changer comes in when the energy flow between the two people starts to waiver, and many of us have experienced this in our relationships. Everything is going good until something we don't like happens, or we begin to have expectations of the other person that they were unaware of.
The moment these challenges are presented, and the chemistry starts to weaken is when most people begin to have problems. They want to have that same strong, passionate flow of energy, and when it's disturbed, well, no one likes it. The way to overcome this is by always being present and not assigning roles to your partner. That does not mean that each person does what they want. It simply means that we must be conscious. We are all individuals. Our partners are not responsible for our happiness, sadness, or life. We are the only ones that control that. Maintaining this awareness throughout the relationship can strengthen the bond between two people.
So if you're in a relationship or are trying to start one, the first thing is to get to know yourself and recognize and realize your value and place in this world. Acknowledge this for the person you are with as well, and respect it. One of the biggest mistakes I made in my relationship was to judge. To continuously point out what I thought my partner was doing wrong or how they were not meeting my expectations. Never did I realize that maybe their expectations were different from mine. Who was I to tell them any different? If I had the wherewithal of who I really was, I would have noticed that our energy was the polar opposite and saved myself and him years of grief. Maybe just maybe the energy we had could have become stronger and balanced itself out if I had given him the space he needed without judgment. We will never know, but life is a lesson, and I'm grateful for the knowledge I acquire to live my best life.
I now see people differently than I ever have before. I am attracted to people with a positive sense of being. While I still encounter others with negative energy, I simply avoid them. I don't judge or try to change them. I have learned to recognize that this is their space to dwell in, and they will either find their sense of place or not, but it is not my role to show them. I simply offer a positive approach. Once you find the positive energy within you, the glorious sensation you internalize will be so great that it becomes automatic to attract the right people in your life. We are like magnets. Do your work, find your peace, and live within that space.
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